Aging Hits Different

Your knees crack after the gym, you blink, and your “baby” is suddenly 10. That’s the kind of emotional whiplash we’re sitting in today: the very real physical shift of aging in our 40s paired with the even bigger parenting shift of raising kids who don’t need us the way they used to. It’s tender, it’s messy, and it’s also strangely beautiful.

We talk honestly about what it takes to stop mothering on autopilot and start adjusting to this new phase: giving kids more responsibility, letting them make mistakes, and learning when helping becomes hindering. We share how therapy language helped us name the change, why it feels like we’re “playing catch up” sometimes, and how we’re practicing self-care and mindset work while our bodies demand more intention than they did in our 20s.

Then we zoom out to the bigger question: surviving vs thriving. When you’ve lived in survival mode, it’s hard to imagine the future. When you finally have space to breathe, you realize your kids can dream, plan, and know themselves in ways you never got to. We also tell the quince dress shopping story that cracked our hearts open, and we unpack what a “rich life” really means: not just money, but values, freedom, authenticity, gratitude, and refusing to let comparison steal your peace.

If this conversation hits home, subscribe, share it with a mom who needs a little hope, and leave us a review so more women can find this community. What season are you in right now: surviving, thriving, or somewhere in between?

Music Track: Building Dreams by Aylex Source: https://freetouse.com/music Copyright Free Background Music

Transcript

Realizing We Are In Our 40s

Barb 0:15

Episode 139. Next chunk. Next chunk of numbers.

Lyssa 0:24

Yes, in our 40s, which is how I'm feeling. Yeah. In our 40s. We just got back from the gym, and your girl feels like she's in her 40s.

Barb 0:33

It's crazy how we got here. Yeah. And it just, you don't know what you don't know. Right. And when you're youth, when you're a youth, you just know youth. You don't know aging and you don't know what's waiting for you on the other side. And I know now. I'm very much aware of aging and what's on the other side. But also like close enough to the youth to be like, bro, I remember when I didn't crack.

Lyssa 1:08

Yeah.

Barb 1:09

Like I do remember that because it didn't, it I mean, it wasn't that long.

Lyssa 1:14

It was like literally yesterday. I think my biggest struggle has been that it just feels like a switch. Like it feels like yesterday I felt okay, and today I do not feel okay. And that's rude, you know, to just take it out from someone underneath their feet like that. It's not

What Is In Your Cup

Lyssa 1:30

cool. But what is in your cup?

Barb 1:32

Ooh, so today I think let's smell it.

Lyssa 1:37

I smell mango better.

Barb 1:39

Ooh, mango, or maybe pineapple.

Lyssa 1:41

It is um yellower. It is uh has a yellower hue to it than like a green hue to it. So it's definitely not a classic. I think there is a little juicy juice in here. Salud. Salud.

Barb 1:55

That's delicious. That's really good. Pineapple. Definitely pineapple. Pineapple. Yeah. Yum. And I and a lot of alcohol. My favorite. Only in one drink, obviously, as we talked last week. We can't have two because we're getting old.

Kids Getting Older Changes Everything

Barb 2:11

And with getting old means that we have older children. This is not our first conversation on the pod of saying, like, holy crap, our kids are getting bigger. They're getting older. We're hitting that next phase very much like ourselves. Our kids are experiencing that. And from the mom lens, it's been a ride the last couple of weeks because like big things are happening.

Lyssa 2:40

The shifts are definitely larger for sure. And I mean, we're talking in just two short days, we're gonna have a 10-year-old, and that's our baby. Yeah. And like, how is our baby 10 years old? Like that, that just sits on your heart differently. Um, and we have been. We've just been so hyper-aware of the aging process, not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones and for our children. And it has, it has been so blatantly obvious this next phase of parenthood that we're in, this next phase of life that we're in. It's how do we take care of ourselves differently? And now learning how to take care of them differently, because I can't take care of you the same way I did when you're a baby, like you're not a baby anymore.

Letting Kids Try And Fail

Lyssa 3:31

We actually had um a therapy appointment uh a couple days ago, and that was one of the things that we talked about, like that there's just new responsibilities because I have to let go and I have to let you do things on your own now that I would normally do for you, and I could still do for you today, but continuing to do them for you is actually doing you a disservice. Like you have to learn how to take care of yourself. I have to allow you time and space to be self-sufficient and make your own decisions, which means making your own mistakes and having to learn from them and just holding your hand while you're doing it. And it's not something that I expected to experience already at like 10 years old. I don't know why. Like it makes sense, but in a way, I was like, I'm gonna hold this hand until he's 20, maybe even 30, and then I'll let go if I'm lucky, you know? But it's it's happening now, and that is such a shift, and it's a shift that you have to hold at the same time while your own body is shifting, and it's just like a lot to carry, you know. So here we are in the gym trying to pump it out in between cracking knees and popping hips and just experiencing life as it is supposed to be, but that doesn't make it easier to accept.

Aging As A Gift

Lyssa 4:56

You know, this is a gift. Aging is a gift. We talk about it all the time, and I am so grateful to be here, and I'm so grateful to feel the age and the wisdom and living inside of my body now. And we are still so close to the youth that I've been younger longer than I've been older. So I just remember so vividly of how easy it was to kind of just literally do anything that I wanted to do and not necessarily feel the consequences of those actions in my body. And now I do. Now I gotta think about all those steps because that just means that my knees gonna hurt, you know. I didn't have to do that before, but now I do, and it's a part of life, and it's not a bad part of life, but it's not an easy part of life, and we just kind of have to learn how to navigate that. And I think that's where we're at. We're learning how to navigate this older life within ourselves while also experiencing the older, you know, life that our children are growing into, and all while holding on to this youth of our babies and even our baby selves that just can't come with us anymore. We gotta, we gotta keep going into the future.

Stop Playing Catch Up

Barb 6:18

And that's not easy all the time. It's actually not something speaking for us, it's not something that we did a lot. Yeah, I didn't travel into the future to like think about my future self and my future needs and my future older child because I was consumed in the now. Um I think as I think that's a parent thing. Yeah. Right. You you have to keep this little thing alive and you have to do everything for this little kid. How could you, how could I time travel into imagining 10 years old, 15 years old when I'm not getting a good night's sleep? I'm just trying to survive, you know?

Lyssa 7:02

Get through all these diapers in.

Barb 7:05

And so we didn't have that. I never thought about, oh my God, what would life be when she's 15? It's more like, oh my god, she's 15. This is what life is. Okay, and now starting to try to puzzle that together. It does feel like we're playing catch up a little bit. And I don't think we're behind. No, we are right on time. It I think that's a natural, yeah, human feeling. And I say that because we're doing such a good job. Like, bitch, you doing a good job, like that, real, like yeah, that's we are doing a good job. And we've practiced for a long time to finally own and claim that title and say, no, I am a good mom. I worked my butt off. I continue to work my butt off. And we're starting to see the plant growing, right? We have to let go, we have to let God, we have to let them discover who they are, what they like, what they don't like. Who do you want to be? Right. And I, Annabelle's ahead. We're four years into the well, two years into the teenage thing. Yeah. But we are seeing that our kids are well-rounded individuals, that they work hard, that they respect their elders and show up as the best versions of themselves outside the house. Not so much inside the house. Those are different stories, we're learning. And I'm proud of them. I'm proud of what they're doing. I'm proud of what they want to be doing. I'm proud of their full knowing and understanding of who they are and what they like and what they don't like and what they will tolerate. That's mind-blowing to me. Yeah. Because at their age, I had no concept of those things.

From Surviving To Thriving

Lyssa 9:17

Absolutely not. And it comes down to, you know, the surviving versus thriving. And that's what it was. So I feel like we've talked about, you know, our our motherhood reflection over these last few episodes and things like that kind of coming up. And that was one of my takeaways was noticing the difference between being a surviving mom and like a thriving mom. That has been a huge shift in the beginning when things were not great and I was in a very poor relationship, and you know, trying to figure out how I'm going to navigate single motherhood, right? Like I'm in survival mode. I can't think about your future. I can't think about my future. I can only think about how are we going to survive today? How do we get through tomorrow? And that's probably as far as I'm going to get. And now that we have turned this leaf and, you know, we've done the 180 on the life, we've done all the work, and now we're in this season of thriving. And I have to switch that. I have to switch that just thinking about the present, just thinking about today, and like, okay, well, now I have so much space and capacity to actually think further than that. And what do I want for the future? And we've we've harnessed that power. And I can see what a gift that is to our children, right? Even for us as children, we were surviving. We were surviving the environments that we were living in and what we had to go through. And there was adversity and poverty and all of those things. And I think that we are really noticing the difference in the life that we're giving our children and how they just they don't have that. They are actually just thriving children and they can think into the future. And they do it a lot, actually. What they want for themselves and what they want to do and how they want to spend their time. Those were not things that that we had when we were children. And what a gift, what a gift that I was able to give you that I didn't even realize I was giving you. Because, you know, again, in the moment, I was just trying to survive. I was just trying to make sure that we made it through. And I couldn't see the future. I couldn't see the difference that I was going to be making, you know, in their lives. And now I can, right? Because now we're we're seeing what we did, everything that we did to show them the type of women that we are, who we want to be, and how we want to show up. And I think we have shown them the change, right? Like they don't realize it right now, but they saw different versions of us. And, you know, they're with us through these new versions. And I think when they get older and they're able to really connect those dots, they're gonna see how we did that. And that's gonna inspire them to just again continue on as they get older to do the same things. Like we have set up our children to thrive. And I didn't really realize that we have done that until like I'm noticing all these amazing things that they're like accomplishing and doing. And I'm like, damn, kid, you're doing it. You're getting it, you're awesome. And not that it's a surprise, but again, I gotta take a little bit of credit. Yeah.

Barb 12:40

Yeah, I did that show. You're welcome. Universe. I can't take all the credit, but I gotta take a little bit of the credit.

Lyssa 12:46

And I think that's just kind of what I'm feeling now is like we were able to switch out of survival mode and move into thriving, and that has just expanded, you know, what our children are capable of thinking and feeling and and doing. And now they're like really cool fucking kids.

Talking To New Moms With Empathy

Barb 13:06

I love that analogy because we are finding ourselves building more community with new mamas. Yeah. Mamas that have multiples that are still really early on in the journey, under two years old and like in the survival mode that is surviving. Yeah. Especially, who cares if it's just the first one? This it's your first time having two babies, so you're still just surviving. If you have three, that's the first time you've ever done that. So there's there is a survival mode to parenthood that feels like it's never gonna end, that feels so daunting, that feels so lonely, and insert so many other feelings that I'm grateful for the story and the journey that we have, so that we can be like, you just gotta, you're surviving right now, mama. And that's okay. Yeah, that's okay. You're not supposed to be doing anything else other than surviving these babies, but also holding that it's gonna get better. Yeah. And like sad at the same time, you know? Yeah. The duality of everything. And it's just it, it's the journey. Yeah, it is truly a never-ending journey that we are we're just finding those little moments more and more throughout the day, which I think is the goal, right? We're

Gratitude, Journaling, And Joy

Barb 14:39

meditating, we're doing the things, and now it's actually working to the point where this morning I was writing in my journal, because I journal every morning now, and you ended up posting a quote that was almost identical to my letter to myself this morning of just there are so many things in our life that make us so rich in life. I am floored every single day that this is the life that I get to wake up to. And by no means am I saying it's all rainbows and sunshines over here because that's unrealistic, that's not the real world. It does come, the shit does hit the fan, the clouds come, the rain comes, and we're able to navigate it with this ray of sunshine because I know that it's just a storm and it will pass. Yeah, that my life is beautiful and rich. And if I can do it, you can do it. Yeah.

Lyssa 15:43

And that's the little love letter that we do get to, you know, give to these new mamas. It's it's almost just being who I kind of wish I had. Like I wish that I had someone who told me, like, no, you're actually doing everything that you're supposed to do right now because it didn't feel that way. Like when I was surviving, right? It still feels like drowning a little bit. And I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't realize that things were gonna change. And I also I wasn't in the moment, right? Because there was so much happening, because it was a storm. I didn't get to cherish, I think, the way that I wish I could have. And and now, you know, you don't get the time back. It's you, you just don't. So to be able to give that little nugget to like all these new moms, to be like, no, it feels chaotic, it feels crazy, you're losing your mind. But like, trust me, like, enjoy losing your mind because you actually will just get used to it. You never stop losing your mind. It just gets easier, you know, and it is gonna be different things that make you lose your mind. So it's like just enjoy losing your mind at this stage because it's gonna be much crazier stages that might not be fun as just the fact that he keeps throwing his toys everywhere and you have to clean up after him. Like, those are the good old days. Yeah. And, you know, you miss them. And so I love that we we do get to kind of be that little nugget of wisdom, uh, a little glimpse into the future of like, no, just soak it all in. It's nuts, it's crazy, you're surviving, but you're exactly where you're supposed to be. And you know, it'll you'll come out on the other side, we promise.

Quince Dress Shopping And Big Feelings

Barb 17:27

Always, always so much so that we went and did something really fun. Yeah, something that I never thought about doing, right?

Lyssa 17:37

Um you can't think about these things when you're in survival topper mode, you know, you don't think about 15.

Barb 17:44

You don't think about gincitas, and she wants one, so obviously she's gonna get one, right? This whole business started because we did her birthday and we were like, wait a second. We could do this all the time. That was so much fun. Did you have fun dressing her up and the cake and the treats and the table and the back and all the things? She was it. Yeah, she was the one that sparked it all. And now, yeah, 15 years later, we're talking about well, the nera and how it's not gonna be traditional because that's not the Bar Lisa way, how it's going to be intentional and thoughtful and all of the things. We went dress shopping. We did. And that was something that I don't think any one of us and the people there will ever forget. I think they're all gonna remember.

Lyssa 18:49

No, for sure. Um, we tend to leave a mark, you know, on places that we go. And I'm never gonna apologize for that. It's really what I'm on this earth for. But uh, wasn't ready, I think is is really the consensus of it all to remember coming home from the hospital with a little squishy baby, and now 15 years later, I'm watching this woman walk out of a dressing room with the most princess ball gown I've ever seen in my life. What?

unknown 19:28

What?

Barb 19:30

She loved every single second of it. So, like obviously, we talked about before she's like, well, what is gonna be no idea? And I'm like, girl, I don't know. I have never done this before. I didn't really go wedding dress shopping. It was like in a basement of somebody's home, and it was just, you know, no. So I'm like, I don't know. Like, this is really gonna be the first time that we all do, we're all doing this together for it really was a new experience for each one of us. And I, no shocker, our kid is the most princess of princesses, and I think that's my fault. I do think one, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm gonna need to rephrase that. Full responsibility for my actions. I just didn't know what I was doing at the time. I just thought I was loving this little baby girl and making her be the cutest little princess. I just didn't know that the princess would turn into an actual princess. So she tries this first dress on and comes out and was just in awe of herself.

Lyssa 20:38

It was in the best way. It was it was adorable, but she was genuinely taken aback by herself. Like she couldn't believe that she looked like that. And we've had those moments, right? Like, I think that is such a woman moment. And and I'm sure there are plenty of men out there that can feel that way too. But I think that every single woman has that moment where they put anything on. It doesn't even have to be a princess dress where you just put something on and you look at yourself and you're like, damn, I look like that. That's me. Me in the mirror, looking like that. And like our girl had that moment. She stepped on that little pedestal in that dress, and nobody could tell her nothing because she was a princess. And then they brought out a tiara, and this bitch lost it. I think she was like the color of a lobster. She got in the picture, she got so red because she couldn't believe it.

Barb 21:37

She couldn't believe what was happening. All her dreams were coming true in that day. So much so that she told me after. She's like, that was everything I ever wanted. Like, if I could do that every day, sign me the fuck up, mom. Like I was born for that. And that makes sense. That does make sense. It makes complete sense. And she loved it, she loved the whole. Experience. We're going back and going to somewhere else this weekend to continue this journey. And I definitely think we're going to learn a lot about our kid through this Ginse journey. And all of her dreams are going to come true. Yeah. And knowing that for the last 15 years, we have hit a home run consistently. Plus, you know, the 10 on the boy side. My batting average is really good. Yeah. Yeah. Our kids like our parties. Yeah. We're so good at it. We're so good at meeting expectations and exceeding expectations. And I don't know. That's it. That's the tea. That's the tea. They're growing up.

Lyssa 22:52

It's it's heartwarming. It's again, it's happy. It's sad. Like there's so many feelings. But at the end, like I it sounds cheesy, but I genuinely just feel grateful. Like I'm just I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful to be their mom. I'm grateful that we get to live this life together. I'm just so grateful that I get to choose what to do with my day, how to raise my kids, and that I get to do whatever I want whenever I want. Because I'm just so in control of my reality. That is a blessing. A lot of people don't get to say that they get to do what they want when they want, how they want. And that is something that I have wanted for myself for a very long time.

Barb 23:44

For since you touched this earth, I'm sure. Baby you.

Lyssa 24:05

And being able to live authentically. Was just like not something in survival mode I thought I was going to be able to attain to. And now I know that I can. And so it just kind of goes again back to that message of like just keep going. Because like it's just a period of time and like you think that you're not gonna get out of it. Because I remember being in it and thinking there's no way out of this. And now I get to sit across from my best friend and talk about it on a podcast. So that way other women can not feel so alone and know that like you got this. And that's pretty cool.

Defining A Rich Life Your Way

Barb 24:46

That's the comparison piece. It's easy to sit back and compare yourself to somebody online and say, I'm behind, or I'm this, or I'm not this, or I'm not doing this. But I I think everybody is really just out here figuring it out. And if everybody can just figure it out and do it their own way, yeah, then you did it. You and that's what you want to do. You want to do it your way authentically, because that's what's gonna feel good. Yeah.

Lyssa 25:20

And that's what's gonna make the rich life. A rich life is not about the money, it's just about defining what your values are and having them. That TV show changed it for me. Yeah.

Barb 25:34

Plots Wins, Netflix has a show and it's called like My Rich Life. And it's only, I think, like eight episodes. It changed the way that I viewed having a rich life and helped begin to align me and shift me into where we are today. Yeah. Because last year, I last year I wasn't feeling so connected to the rich life as I am now. But it's a process, it's a journey. It's a I keep every day. I gotta wake up and I gotta try to hit that ball again and like go back to it so that eventually you do get to your other side and you do get to your rich life, whatever that may be. So kudos to us. Look at us. I know, right? Getting there.

Lyssa 26:24

Fun little rich life nugget. But I think that's what's important, right? Like we talk about journaling and we talk, you know, to each other obviously all the time about it. But I think it's important to share a story. I think we have to start doing that more. Not just getting on here and telling you that you should be grateful, but like truly showing you the example. And I think in order to do that, right, in order to talk about my thriving life, I have to tell you about the life where I was just surviving. So you can understand that you can do it too, that you can be low and you can be surviving, and you can flip the switch and you can change your life. You can change your reality. Just a little mindset shift and a TV show.

Barb 27:08

That's it. What's eight hours when you have a toddler running around?

Lyssa 27:14

Naptime. I love

Follow, Subscribe, And Goodbye

Lyssa 27:17

it. Well, this feels like a good place to love and leave our friends. So, this will be the part where you do all the things you're gonna like and follow and subscribe. You can follow us on Instagram and YouTube at Mark's and Mindset Podcast. And if you're local to the ROC and you want to party with us at HomeMade Events ROC.

Barb 27:31

Until next time. Bye. I hope it worked. I hope it wasn't. I did hit it.