Big Girls Use Mic Stands Now

Mother’s Day hits different when your life has chapters you don’t want to erase. We’re sipping margaritas, adjusting to mic stands that somehow make us feel like beginners again, and then we get honest about the real mood behind the holiday: gratitude, love, pressure, and memories that still have weight.

We talk about what it’s like to celebrate being a mom while also carrying complicated family relationships and the emotional reality that motherhood didn’t start out the way we imagined. There’s a particular kind of heaviness when the day feels “showy”, when everyone wants to make it big, and your nervous system just wants it to stay simple. We unpack that tension and why it’s okay to love your life now without pretending the past didn’t shape you.

Then we zoom out to the season we’re in as parents: milestone after milestone. Dance recital days that leave you exhausted but in awe, high school transition nights that make time feel loud, and taekwondo testing that reminds you your kids are becoming their own people. We keep coming back to one theme: the duality. Being proud and heartbroken at the same time doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it means you’re paying attention.

If this resonates, subscribe for more real talk, share the episode with a mom who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find us. What part of Mother’s Day feels the most complicated for you right now?

Music Track: Building Dreams by Aylex Source: https://freetouse.com/music Copyright Free Background Music

Transcript

Margaritas And Catching Up

Lyssa 0:15

Episode 135. Halfway through. And then we're going to be into the 40s. And I don't want to talk about that. That's another that's for that's a pod for another day. Another day.

Barb 0:28

What is in your cup? A beautiful margarita. Um, I'm leaning towards classic. Okay. She's a based on looks, so salute. Salud. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's delicious. Maybe it's got the honey syrup in it. Maybe I taste some sweetness.

Lyssa 0:52

Yes. So we were having a week last week and we did not record. But obviously, our margaritas still come every Monday. So we got to have like a freebie margarita. Um, and it was so freaking good. It was blueberry pineapple. And wow, I've never had a blueberry margarita. And I think that I want that to be like the new normal.

Barb 1:17

It was so good. I just love the artistry, right? That she's having fun with it. She's changing it up. Sometimes it's a classic, sometimes it's a spicy, sometimes it's a this. And I'm I'm here for the journey. I'm here to go on every ride.

Lyssa 1:35

Zero complaints, you know. We had our photo shoot last week, and we got to have just so many marks, you know? Like it was just like the best week ever. Not only do we have like the freebie one because we weren't able to record, um, but then we had it inside of like our branding shoot. So we just got extra marks, and she's just she's so good at what she does. We love you, Adrian. Thank you. Thanks for making our marks. Um,

Mic Stands And Feeling Overstimulated

Lyssa 2:01

next tangent I need to talk about is this stand because I'm feeling very overstimulated right now.

Barb 2:09

We are big girls. Big girls girls, mic stands. Big girls don't hold their mics in their hands. So we are big girls. We bought mics. Two and a half years in. Mic stands. Mike, we bought mic stands. And now we're learning how to use mic stands. Yeah.

Lyssa 2:29

I'm yeah, learning the amount of things that you have to like screw and move and like I just I don't understand it. Why can't you just like put it in there and it'd be done? But alas, we figured it out. They're here, we're being using them, and I want to like them. This is a nice hands-free experience, but I'm also just like so aware, hyper aware.

Barb 2:54

Very hyper aware that I'm not holding the mic. And I'm like, oh my God, what do I do? Is this my first time? It is, but it isn't also because 135 episodes.

The First Recording And Not Quitting

Lyssa 3:04

135 episodes. But speaking of our first time, you had just speak of it. Let's speak of it. Because you just made a comment before we turned the mics on about the mics. And like I was talking about how I was being overstimulated. I'm like, oh my God, we're gonna record, and like I don't know what to do with this stand. And you mentioned, like, oh, this is not like our first time. And so I was making a reel the other day, and I came across footage of our first recording. Oh, that very first. Okay. Like, do you remember that?

Barb 3:45

18 times. Yeah, I do remember it.

Lyssa 3:47

Can't forget it. Because we said it so many times. I think, I mean, that is by far the most recorded episode in history of the Marks and Mindset podcast because we genuinely record, we're one and dunners. Like we record it, and if it's good, it's good. And if it's not, we're sorry that you listened to it. We appreciate you though. Um, and yeah, it was it was kind of crazy. But that very first one, I think we had a mic stand. Yeah, I was holding one, but you weren't holding it. You you had it kind of like in front of you, and uh, and it did, it brought back some memories of us trying to record that first episode.

Barb 4:23

How far we've come and the beauty of never giving up, right? Yeah, this is a weird we're gonna go for it, but we've been doing this for two and a half years. Who knew? Not me, when I said, Hey, I think I want to start a podcast, and you were like, What? Yeah, let's do it. I didn't think anything other past that. Like I just said podcast. The end, the end, and it's still crazy. Yeah, it's still crazy to me that we show up, not every week, but we show up when we need to we need to. It's we release an episode every Wednesday, yeah, and it's not scary anymore, and it's not a burden, it's so much fun. Yeah, and when we don't record, like last week, we miss it. I miss sitting on the couch and just talking because this has truly become our time to do that. Our designated little slice in the week to have a mark, yep, and just chit-chat. So let's chit-chat. Mother's

Mother’s Day With Mixed Feelings

Barb 5:35

Day. Oh, happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, happy Mother's Day to every woman out there because every woman out there impacts some role, absolutely, one way or another. And Mother's Day. Mother's Day. Mother's Day's hard. Am I right? Mamas out there us.

Lyssa 5:56

I know. And that's why, you know, I made a post and it felt, it just felt right to not post some generic, you know, post about just our kids and how much we love them and all that. Because yes, those things are true. It's not not true. I love being a mother, and I just feel like the part that people don't talk about, and again, this is just our motherhood journey. You can't speak for everyone's motherhood journey, but ours didn't start off the way that we may have wanted it to. And that means that this day, while it comes with being showered with so much love and care, it also comes with memories. It comes with remembering what it was like to bring a child into this world and to be so scared because you don't know what you're doing. It's a reminder of a poor relationship, you know, that I brought my son into this world in and was in for so long. It brings in so many good memories, but it they're not all good. And I think that days like this almost tend to overglorify it just enough to make me wanna speak up for those that maybe don't have the most glorious motherhood journey to constantly look back on. Um and I think I think we did a good job of that. I think we did it very nicely. Um, and it's just that again, that gentle reminder that mom can be your favorite title. It could be the best thing that ever happened to you because it was. Motherhood changed my life, literally. If it wasn't for becoming a mother, I don't know that my life could have taken the turn for the better that it did. And so I am forever grateful for that. But again, that makes it a reminder of what my life used to be before this motherhood journey ever started. And that part can be a little rough. And I feel like sometimes we just gotta speak on that. We can't just say, Oh, this is a Mother's Day, and I'm so grateful that this is who I am now, and just pretend that I wasn't somebody else before then. And I just wanted to call attention to that. I wanted that to be known, and I wanted other women to feel empowered to be grateful to be a mother and also not forget about all of the other pieces of you and parts of you that still exist outside of just being a mother.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

That was beautiful. Thanks. Well done. And you didn't cry.

Barb 8:56

It's a hard day. Yeah, I think it's a hard day for every mother because being a mother is hard. It's not easy to keep little ducklings alive and in line and do all the things. And then you know, and this could be an us thing. The extra layer of pressure, right, to meet the expectations of what this day should be or could be or how you want to celebrate that mom in your life, it it gets very showy. Yeah and we don't that doesn't jive with us. It doesn't sit well in you know my tummy. It feels heavy and hard, and I don't, I don't like that. Yeah. And there's so many, so many reasons and layers. And if you sit and think about it, like we do, you you can come up with yours and start to dissect it and understand it more. And for me, it it's this idea of well, I actually don't talk to my mother. Right. The person that this for me, the person that this day celebrates, I I unfortunately, you know, we don't speak. And that makes it weird and that makes it uncomfortable. But then I have my daughter in front of me that I want to love and shower and just yeah, it's complicated. It's holding too true. It's as easy as just saying happy Mother's Day, you're a great mom. Yeah. Yeah.

Lyssa 10:28

I wish that it could be that easy, but it is, it just goes so much deeper than that. And what's funny you say that is that was actually in the first version of the caption that I wrote, um, talked about that a little bit too. Um, and then I was like, this is way too long. I gotta cut something out. And you know, typical Lisa. That's what she cut. Um, but it did. It talked about, right? Not only am I going through my own motherhood journey, right? And feeling all of these feelings about who I am as a mother. I also came from a mother. And I have to think about this person that I don't have a relationship with and how she must feel on this day, knowing that she's supposed to be celebrated by her children, and one of her children doesn't talk to her. That's kind of rough. Yeah, like that's you know, and because I do have the emotional maturity to be able to hold all of these feelings and all these perspectives, like, like you said, it's a heavy day. I'm thinking about my strained relationship with my own mother. I'm thinking about who I was as a mother, who I want to be as a mother, how I want to be remembered. I have, you know, all of these amazing people in my life who want to shower me with love, you know, and it feels good. And also like I'm not feeling good. So how do you juggle all of that? And I just feel like Mother's Day has become the most mother thing in the world, right? Like it's it's not a day off.

Barb 12:05

It's actually the most like mother day of the world. What do you want to do? What do you want? What do you want to do? What do you want? And I was just like, I don't want anything, actually. Just let's sit here.

Lyssa 12:20

There was, there was definitely a little overstimulation that was kind of happening because it was just like you said, we're we're here for the intimate moments. And I think one of the things you know to hold gratitude for is that I am shown appreciation every day in some way, in some form. I am being loved and appreciated every single day. So, like when this day comes along, stop acting weird. Stop making it more than it needs to be. Like, just just do what you already do because you already do that every single day. Like, I and I can acknowledge that, and I'm so grateful. It's like a good thing, but it's like you're just it's too much. Yeah, back it up, you know? Coming on too strong. And again, grateful because it's it's all from love, and it means that we are surrounded by love. And you know, I'm I'm happy to be here and I'm happy it's

Movie Theater Time Windows Are Shrinking

Lyssa 13:13

over.

Barb 13:13

So grateful that we get to live this day, and now the day is gone. Um, one good thing that came from the day, I did it. I finally saw it. I saw the Michael Jackson movie. I just needed to be timestamped. I finally fucking did it.

Lyssa 13:30

I was nervous because it was gonna freaking leave theaters already. Can we go on a tangent about this? I've movie theaters, am I right? Am I right? Can we have like a back in my day segment? I feel like I need some like retro music to play over this. Back in my day, movies used to be in the theater for a very long time. Like you had time to go see the movie, and now you don't less than a month. Who like my schedule is built out a little bit? You know what I mean? Like, I need time to fit this in, and you're telling me that you're just gonna give me such limited time to do something.

Barb 14:04

What if I don't have time in the next 10 days to go see a movie? 10 days. So we we went to go see Michael, it was great, fantastic. Um, Annabelle wants to go watch The Devil Wears Prada too. Oh, yeah. She watched the first one, loved it. Um, so I looked it up and it's out of the theaters this Wednesday. That's insane. 10 days. It was in our movie theater, our closest like home theater for 10 days. And I'm like, hot damn. Yeah, that's okay for 2026. I see, I see you with your inflation gas and your shore movie times, I guess.

Lyssa 14:42

Yes, I just don't understand how someone is expected to be able to just change their entire life around, you know. I guess like if you're just that much of a fan, then you would have known about the movie C and you would, but like to me, that is way too much effort. What if I'm just a little bit of a fan? Like, I'm not a fan that's gonna be like we plan this two fans. You know, I spontaneously need something to do and want to go see a movie. That's it's in theaters, let me go watch it. But 10 days, 10 days.

Barb 15:12

I can't. We're gonna go do a midweek movie because it's out of the theaters on Wednesday, and it's Monday, so we're gonna go tomorrow and have fun. Um on a Tuesday, on a Tuesday, because why not? Dance

Dance Recital Awe And Nine Hours

Barb 15:25

is over. She had her dance recital this weekend, so like that was another thing, right? Monday or Monday, Saturday, I was at the dance recital for like nine hours. I was mush. My brain was mush, my body was mush. I didn't do anything. No, I didn't dance, not one time, but I was mush. Yeah. And she had the best time ever. And our girl is getting bigger.

Lyssa 15:51

It was crazy. I think because she is such a good dancer. Like, I was truly taken aback at how good she was. And I don't mean that like in an insulting way. It's just the matter, like, she doesn't dance at home. Like, she doesn't dance just like freely and for fun. Like, we'll catch her kind of like practicing some moves here and there, but it's never like her just dancing. So we get to see her once a year. Once a year at this recital, I get to see what she did last year. We didn't get to go last year. And so, yeah, I'm like, I feel like I'm two years in on actually like seeing her dance on stage, do her thing, and just wow, I was truly in awe of her. She was pop locking and dropping it like no one else. She was doing so good, she had so many dances, and the whole time I'm just like, I how do you remember that? And how do you remember that that move goes with this song at this time? Like, and you did like eight of them, girl. That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. And I was just, I was, I was taken aback, just thinking about 10 years ago when she was just four years old in her little purple dress and a little purple tutu, just getting up on stage, and now she's 14 and she's just like all over the stage in every single dance, like doing all this choreography. And I'm just every different style, you know what I mean? And I think like that's what it was too. They're all different styles of dance. You're she's just so crazy. I think that too.

Barb 17:23

That's this week, this last couple weeks, um, she's just been more active, more social. There's things going on, right? Rehearsals and recitals.

High School Transition Night Hits Hard

Barb 17:35

And we had a high school transition night that we attended. And like shit's getting real. Shit's getting real. The, and it's obviously been, I've been on the other side of graduation for a while now. Like I'm not, I'm more than halfway through, but something about high school, yeah, right. Like that's a that's another milestone. That's a big moment. And I'm like, oh, how did we get here? Right. Oh, where did this come from? What do you mean? And then to like piggyback the recital and watching her and all the things, and then Mother's Day on top of that. It's just like a lot. It's a lot, right? You start off with this little baby, and I just I wasn't thinking about recitals, and I wasn't thinking about high school transition nights and all of these things. This formal eighth grade formal is coming and dresses, these milestone moments and right, the educational system. And that's heavy. That's heavy because like I just I remember this little squishy little thing, and she was just so squishy and so beautiful. Not that she's not beautiful, but she was so squishy and cute. And now she's like grown. And in four years' time, like you're not an adult. I understand that you're not an adult, and you're also not a child, right? I can no longer do some of the things that I have to let you grow up, yeah.

Kids Pull Away As They Grow

Lyssa 19:09

And that like the backing off, right? Like, we're so heavy in this like motherhood, and like I'm your mother and I do all these things for you. But I think that's where, and maybe this is why it feels this way for us, just making this connection now, right? Like, our kids are pulling back from us, and that is gonna make me cry. So you should start saying something else. Now you say something.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Now you say something.

Lyssa 19:33

Um, but that's where that's the stage of motherhood that we're in, where our kids are actually pulling away, and we have to let them be able to get a few people. Right, I can't becoming people, they're becoming individuals. Like this is this is the whole point. It's almost like this is what we do it for. Now, now we we kind of tap you out of the nest here, and we see if you can fly on your own with all of the knowledge and things and the gifts that I've given you this far. And your job now is to go test it out and go see what works and what doesn't work, and where do you fall, where do you stumble, where do you stand strong, and just kind of like find yourself. And we have to we can't be a part of that because then it's our journey, not their journey. And that's that's hard.

Barb 20:15

We have to let them go, and that that's hard, it hurts, especially because for so long, like you've been glued to my hip. Yeah, you've just been me and you, like right there all the time. And the duality, the duality of I want you to go experience the world, and I want you to go leave your mark on it because you're going to do amazing things, but please don't leave me. Please just stay with me forever. Okay. Can we cuddle, please? Can we cuddle? I don't cuddle the card.

Lyssa 20:47

That's the hardest part. Oh god. It it really is, and same, right? Like we're dealing with

Taekwondo Testing And Moms On Mat

Lyssa 20:54

this all at once. So, in the same week as her recital, Oliver has taekwondo testing. And I kind of had the same moment of I see him practice. He actually, this is something that I know he loves because he actually practices it. And that, right? That is how I know. Wonderful. You found it. Yes, like I found the thing that you're gonna actually care about. And he does, he practices. So I see him do little things, but it's always just very playful, you know, and and again, just practicing. So to see him do his um green belt test and to see him like lock in, like he locked in, the punches were tight, like the form was there, like the ayahs were I, you know, like he was killing it. And I was just like, damn boy, like that's impressive. Like I knew you could do it because I've been seeing you, you know, throw here and throw there, but like you were really like hitting those, those pieces and those parts. And it was, it was like impressive to to see these kids just kind of like do their thing and find something that they're passionate about and. And they do really, really well. Um, and then at the same time, you know, he breaks your heart because they had a in honor of like Mother's Day, they're doing uh mom's on the mat. So you get to go and like be on the mat. And uh, and he comes out after learning about this, and the first thing he says is, I want Arnell to go with me. I was like, Oh, you you want your dad to go to mom's on the mat. He's like, Well, he said any parent can do it. And then, like, how do you explain to a child that they're just being inclusive to those that don't really have their mothers to come and do this with him, you know? And he does, but he doesn't care. Um so yeah, so that was just like another moment right, you know, right before Mother's Day that I had to kind of just like take on the chin. There, you know, there's my boy. He's preferring his dad do these things with him. And I I get it, that is also so layered, right? Like his dad's a black belt in Taekwondo. Obviously, I want my dad to come and show off all his lamest. You know, I don't want this laser over here, and that was it too, right? Because I did taekwondo when I was little. And uh, I think I only did it to like a yellow belt, which is like the second one because I'm like, what am I doing here? Get me out of this place. Um, and and he was testing for his third belt. So he was just like, Well, I just don't want you to feel bad because I'm gonna outrank you now and like all this. And I was just like, I'm gonna smush you. Sit on you, little boy.

Barb 23:28

I will sit on you.

Lyssa 23:30

But it's just crazy. It's crazy because it's he is, he's just he's growing up, and this is right, this is a natural part of boyhood and all of that. You're gonna gravitate towards your father, and he's just getting bigger, and he's gonna turn 10 in like two weeks, and that is a lot for Elisa to handle. I just can't believe that I have a 10-year-old. He's has bigger feet than me. He put on my ring the other day and it didn't fit him, which means his hands are getting bigger than mine. What is happening? Just what's happening? Because yesterday, like you said, it was just a squishy little beast. So squishy. He was just wet all the time. The bib, the onesie, the jacket, like anything, everything, you know, until like yesterday. But here we are. We just have to keep

Living The Duality With Gratitude

Lyssa 24:26

going. It's like it's just the weirdest part of life. Like it, this is life. And you you just gotta roll with it. You just gotta keep going. You just gotta, you gotta take the wins with the losses, you gotta take the ups and the downs. Like you have to embrace all of it because it's all a part of the experience, and it's the the collective of all the memories, right? And the end that that make your life what it is. And I don't know, man. We're just living just such rich lives, and it was such a gift that I knew I was giving my child that I didn't really know that I was giving my child. And now I I'm at that point in parenthood where I just have to stand back and allow you to start building your life a little bit, making it what you want it to be, what you want it to look like, creating your own reality. I've been creating your reality for the last decade, and now it's like your turn to create your reality, and that's crazy to experience, to be in the mid middle of, have such awareness of it, and then like be happy and sad at the same time.

Barb 25:45

And to flip that to the happy and sad, kudos to us. Kudos to us for even being able to put it into words because there were prior versions of us that couldn't. And kudos to us for living in the duality, for living in the life, yeah, right. The duality is life. Yeah if you lean too far in one, if you lean too far in the other, you're losing something. Life happens in the both. Yeah, and that's not easy, and it feels yucky sometimes. And yesterday had moments of like pure joy and beauty, and other moments of like, what the fuck is going on? And that's that's it. Yeah, that is life, and we're doing it. We are doing life, yeah, and that deserves a kudos.

Lyssa 26:46

I agree. Because it's not it's not an easy thing to do, it's not an easy thing to acknowledge to kind of be able to like pull yourself out a little bit and see that higher point of view. Uh but if you do it, then you can you can see the purpose. And when you understand the purpose, it it makes the icky and the discomfort and the not as great moments still great because it's all a part of the bigger picture, which is a really cool thing, which I think we have, which I know we have.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

So it is, it's awesome. Happy Mother's Day to you. Happy Mother's Day. I wish we spent it together.

Lyssa 27:30

I think, you know, like we could just we can work on this. It could be better. It could be better. I feel like and I I feel like that's the other thing too. Tangent. It can, it's gonna evolve. I think that's the other piece of it. Sometimes we put so much pressure on like what this needs to be and what it needs to look like every year, and like doing all these things. It's gonna change. It's gonna change because the seasons of our lives are gonna change. And I think there are. There are definitely gonna be Mother's Days where we get to go do whatever we want because our kids are out doing this or that, or at one point celebrating their own. Like, who knows? Who knows what it's gonna look like?

Barb 28:06

I would love it to look like a spa day, all day spa day, maybe even a getaway, a weekend, a Mother's Day trip.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Weekend, weekend trip?

Lyssa 28:17

Yes, vacations. We'll see. You know what? Speaking of vacations, we should talk about vacations. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think we're gonna get off this podcast so we could talk about vacations. It's gonna be a good idea. Um, all right. This does feel like a good place to love and

Like Follow Subscribe And Goodbye

Lyssa 28:34

leave, our friends. So, this is the part where you do all the things you're gonna like and follow and subscribe. You can follow us on Instagram and YouTube at Marks and Mindset Podcast. And if you're local to the ROC and you want to party with us at Homemade Events ROC. Until next time. Bye. Okay, so not bad. I I think I like it.

Barb 28:50

I think I can my hands were the stillest they've ever been.

Lyssa 28:54

It was a little weird. I couldn't drink well, so we're gonna have to figure that out. But stands are in.