A Change You Can Make

A lifetime of vague symptoms can make you stop asking questions. When a clinician finally names the pain—painful bladder syndrome (PBS)—the relief is real and the path forward gets bright. We talk through what that moment felt like, why a diagnosis can unlock calm, and how to turn insight into daily choices that reduce symptoms and return joy to the body.

We get specific about triggers and tradeoffs: alcohol, caffeine, citrus, chocolate, artificial sweeteners, and processed foods vs. a baseline of gentle, whole food staples. An elimination diet becomes a map, not a punishment, helping us find personal thresholds and rebuild confidence. Movement, hydration, and sleep show up as non-negotiable allies. Most importantly, a mindset practice—gratitude, reframing, and self-advocacy—transforms compliance into commitment. It’s not about losing treats; it’s about gaining clear mornings, steady energy, and pain-free workdays.

Alongside health, we open the door on community and belief. One person’s yes years ago sparked our business and this show, and now we’re paying that forward—mentoring friends, fielding unexpected messages, and seeing proof that storytelling compresses someone else’s timeline. We revisit our origin story, reflect on therapy wins that improved communication, and talk about parenting for the long game: modeling values, celebrating growth, and planning adventures that build independence and trust.

If you’re navigating chronic symptoms, craving practical steps, or just need one voice to say you can do this, this conversation is for you. Hit follow, share this with someone who needs clarity, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your next step could be the one that changes everything.

Music Track: Building Dreams by Aylex Source: https://freetouse.com/music Copyright Free Background Music

Chapters

• 0:00 Teacher Habits And Tangents
• 1:00 Living With Unnamed Pain
• 3:20 The Diagnosis: Painful Bladder Syndrome
• 6:00 From Pills To A Plan
• 7:45 Diet Triggers And Elimination
• 10:10 Mindset Shift On The Drive Home
• 12:40 Cutting Caffeine And Finding Balance
• 15:40 Managing Symptoms With Food And Movement
• 18:00 Gratitude As Daily Practice
• 21:00 Community, Mentorship, And Saying Yes
• 25:10 Origin Story And Belief Transfer
• 28:20 Riding The Wave And Long-Term Vision
• 31:00 Core Values And Alignment
• 34:00 Motherhood, Growth, And Future Adventures
• 38:00 Therapy Wins And Better Communication

Transcript

Barb: 0:15

Episode one hundred and twenty one. I killed it on that. I killed it that twenty, twenty, I got it. I nailed it. I am coachable. Some of my teacher tendencies, I really truly think are gonna live on forever. It doesn't matter how long. It's just so ingrained. It's just so ingrained that you just, you know. Well, I think it's also like not a bad thing. You're teaching me how to speak properly, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 0:44

So, like, should you lose that ability as you move out of that profession? I'm gonna say no. I want you to keep that. So keep going. Keep educating the youth and the elderly. It's a new cup.

Barb: 0:57

Margarita! Margarita. Yes. I want to start our first tangent talking about what you experienced just yesterday. Yesterday. It feels like a lifetime ago. And it was just less than 24 hours.

Lyssa: 1:12

I think it feels like a lifetime ago, honestly, because it's been a lifetime of symptoms. It's been a lifetime of this feeling this pain that I've literally just been living with. And yesterday finally getting an answer to that. Like it felt like all of these years. I just get it now. I I've almost just like relived this whole time. I feel like, you know, if you are someone who's experienced chronic pain or has lived with chronic pain, you know, you just you know that it it eventually just goes away, but like never really goes away. It's just something that's in the background and you gotta keep living your life. So like you don't think about it, and then you don't even realize that it's been decades that you've been feeling a specific way and haven't had an answer to it or been able to figure out why, or really for me, what hit home was that when she gave me the answer to what my body has been feeling for such a long time, I in that moment realized that I had actually stopped asking the question. I realized that I had I'd actually given up a little bit on my body because I accepted that this is just how I feel. That this is just the way Yeah, that this is just the way that it is. I just hurt my I I equated it to the the tummy ache girl or like the headache girl, you know, like it's one of those things that's it's a trend on social media. Are you a headache girl or are you a tummy ache girl? Oh, I'm a tummy ache girl, how cute, you know? My stomach just hurts all the time. That's not normal. Yeah, that's not okay. You can't just live like that and then say, well, everybody on social media, all these people that I see, it must be a trend. So it must be normal because everyone feels this way. Everyone falls into one of the two categories. And I lived like that for a very, very long time. And what a relief and a release to like finally have a true answer to what it is happening. So I'm okay. I guess that was probably the really long change. Everybody's probably like, oh my god, are you dying? No, I'm not dying. Um so I was diagnosed with painful bladder syndrome, and that has a really cool fancy name. Um a doctor name that I'm not gonna try to say. But essentially, I was misdiagnosed for years as just having UTIs. I was told that I was just prone to UTIs. And even after I would come back, you know, cultures would say, Oh, you don't really have a UTI. Um, but if you're still feeling symptoms, here's the pills. Just take another, you know, round of pills until you don't feel it anymore. Um, and I just did that for so long that I was just like, I don't, I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm this is it became the same cycle over and over. Um, and then I just stopped. I stopped saying things, I stopped going to the doctor for these symptoms. I literally just assumed that I was gonna have to feel like this forever. And I just kind of accepted and I stopped asking. Um, but you know, this year, 2026, I wrote down an intention to prioritize my health and to be my best self, and that includes feeling better and advocating for myself and my body. And my stomach was one of the things that I was like, I'm not gonna not take care of that this year. Non-negotiable. I was like, I have to say something. Um, so I, you know, I had a lady doctor appointment and she asked the questions, and I was like, this is what it is. I'm gonna tell you the story, right? The story that I stopped telling that I just gave up on. Um, and she listened to me. She listened to me, and I don't know if it was that she was like a med student, so maybe like all this information was like fresh in her brain, you know, or she was just like eager to take care. And I don't know what it was, but she just listened to everything that I said, all of the symptoms. I had my exam. Um, and in that, like you could tell she was like talking to the doctor, and like, you know, and I she was like, Oh, when I press here, does that hurt? And I'm like, Yeah, don't love that. You could stop now. And please, you know, and um and they kind of like nodded at each other, and then like exam over, left, came back, and instantly the doctor was like, This is what you have. And they are very similar symptoms to UTIs, and so I could see why that continued, you know, to just be the case and just get dismissed, but it was so much deeper than that. And that's when I was just like, Yeah, no, this is it. The moment that she said something, the moment that she gave it a name, there was this release in my body that was like, This is the truth, this is what you can believe, this is finally the answer. Like, and now I feel like healing can begin. Now that I know what's wrong, now that I can't just take a pill for a UTI because that's not what this ever really was. Like now I can actually take actionable steps towards feeling better. And long tangent to say, the biggest step, and you know, what upsets it, you know, is is your diet, right? Nutrients, everything that you put into your body comes out through your bladder. So literally everything that I am ingesting matters now. Uh, I mean, it's always mattered, but now that have this awareness of how it affects me and my body, and now I know that I can do something about it. Um, and so the biggest thing is diet, and the biggest triggers uh that they mentioned are alcohol and caffeine. You're two famous in the world. So, yeah, we we talked yesterday that we might have to figure something else out for Mars because I am not, I'm supposed to just avoid citrus like altogether, um, avoid alcohol altogether, um, avoid caffeine altogether, like all these things that are just, you know, I can do it, but I'm gonna feel this pain that I've been feeling for so long. Um, and I'm really eager for that relief finally to know that these things are gonna change. So yeah, I have to go on a a big diet change, not huge diet change, because a lot of the foods I'm already eating. So it's more of just like elimination diet. Elimination diet. Yes. So I have to do that. And you know, they said that you eventually, once you kind of, you know, get your body to where you feel better, then you can start introducing things back in and like learning your limits and seeing what it, you know, how you can eat the things that you really love in moderation. And I think for me, that's gonna be like strawberries and chocolate. Those are on my no-no lists, and I'm like, but I love those things. So there are a few things that I have no problems letting go, and then there are a few things that I'm like, okay, I'm gonna hope that I can eat that again one day.

Barb: 8:13

So this again just happened yesterday. Literally. And you came over and we started our work day, and you shared, and we immediately did what we did, right? We were researching with our doctor hat on. What does this mean? Yeah, let's do all the things. And I want to call out proud of you, I want to give you your flowers that the mindset shift that you had from the drive from the doctor, the lady doctor, to the house, which isn't very far. It's always like a 15-minute, 10-15-minute drive is that. And you did a lot of work in that 10 minutes.

Lyssa: 8:54

Like so much. There was a full-blown emotion spectrum that I went through in that car ride home.

Barb: 9:00

So you did all that on your own, and you came to me with this perspective of how lucky am I that I now get to change this thing that was holding me back. Yeah. Right. It was holding you back from being your best self. This constant pain, this constant, well, I what am I gonna do? The doctors just say I have to live with it. And you turn that negative into a positive and into immediate action. Okay, what are the things that are on the no-no list? Yeah. We we researched and we said, okay, like we that's cool. That's cool. Oh, that's a big one. What are we gonna do? Like caffeine, mud water, right? You've already made, and that's what I love too. You've been slowly making these changes. Yeah. And now I think this is gonna be like the last push of the change. Because you've you have been doing this all along. You switched coffee. Yeah. I think that was like a last year. That was a last year thing, yeah.

Lyssa: 9:57

I think it was when I got the flu. It was when I got the flu, yeah. I couldn't um I couldn't like drink coffee, and I was like, all right, I'm gonna use this as like my catalyst to to really cut this habit because at that point it'd been years that I've been wanting to cut it. Um, and then I think it was like around September, October time frame, I like relapsed and I went and I got this new bustello, and it was just so good. I just had to have it. And I drank it like every day for about a week, almost two weeks, and I felt the difference. I felt the difference in my body immediately. Pain. Painful bladder syndrome. That's what you felt. That's what I felt. I didn't know that's what I was feeling, but I was just like, oh no. And that was a thing too. It was like, oh, coffee did this to me. Right. There was again still no, nothing that it was like my body was wrong. Like I was blaming the coffee. And yeah, it was, it was just this craziness that I was like, okay, I am feeling this. I can notice now in my body when I'm like feeling different. And I did. I was just like, all right, coffee's gotta go. It has to go. It's uh non-negotiable. Um, but I love my fun drinks, you know.

Barb: 11:01

And that's where the balance comes in and all the things and the mindset, the work that you're doing now to justify, okay, well, maybe I'm gonna drink today, but I'm not gonna drink it every day. Yeah, and I'm not gonna consume in access. Yes. It's going to be meaningful, it's going to be with purpose because I know that if I fuck around, I'm gonna find out that I am. You know, I would assume this is like similar to the glute, our gluten friends out there, right? Like you eat gluten, it doesn't feel good if you're supposed to be gluten-free. So why not cut out the things that are holding you back from living your best life? That's your body clearly saying I am not aligned. Yeah, I'm not aligned with coffee, I'm not aligned with chocolate. You know, so even though we want it, there is a clear divide on what your body is telling you versus what your mind or your tummy or your tongue. All the things. This mind over matter situation and how you have to be mentally fit.

Lyssa: 12:07

Yes.

Barb: 12:08

Because if not, it would be so easy to say, well, no, I can't live without coffee, I must not, and then drink coffee and feel that way every single day. That sounds like my own personal health. Right, right.

Lyssa: 12:18

Why would I do that to me? Right. And I think that was one of the things too when we were looking at the list of all the different foods and stuff, where I did, right? We could I could have had that mindset of being like, wow, look at all of this food that I can just no longer eat. And I just I didn't want to feel that way. I have been in chronic pain for years, my entire adult life, probably even when I was younger too. I again, I just didn't even know that that's what I was feeling. And I now have this answer, and all of the answers are if you want this to feel better, if you want to feel better in your body, right? There's there's no cause that of this, and there's no cure of it. So it really is just something where you just have to manage your symptoms. I have this, and now I just have to learn how to live with it properly. And I'm reading the ways to do that. Diet. Eat whole foods. Don't eat what are the things I have to eliminate? I have to eliminate alcohol, I have to eliminate caffeine, I have to eliminate sugar. Oh no. Oh no, right? Like that I'm supposed to be sad. Like, how is my body supposed to be sad that I have to eliminate these things and that I have to eat more whole foods? I can't eat processed foods anymore. I can't have that's what it was, artificial sweeteners. It makes complete sense, you know. This is so sad, you know. Like I'm reading through this and all it is is bettering me. This is a, you know, negative thing, and it's not something that I am proud. I don't want to go and put this badge on. But I also like didn't do it to myself, so I shouldn't feel shameful of it either. And if this is what my body needs for me, then this is what I have to do. I have to change my diet. What was the second thing? Oh, it was exercise.

SPEAKER_01: 14:13

Oh, pity. Oh, poor Elisa.

Lyssa: 14:15

She has to exercise, she has to move her body, she has to strengthen her muscles. How were any of these things bad things? Like none of them are bad things. Uh, so I am. I I got in the car. The moment that I turn the car on and I put the music on, the first song that comes up is Grateful by Coda the Friend. And I have to be grateful. I have to be this could have been so much worse. There are people who walk out of that office and hear much worse things than what I heard. What I heard was an answer. What I heard were was a change, a change that I can now make. I I heard a future. I was given such a beautiful future in that room, and I have to be grateful for that. Because now my future is just gonna be so much brighter. I'm going to be healthier, feel healthier. I can only imagine the things that I'm gonna be able to. I'm gonna do all the same things. I've been doing all of these things now with this pain, but now I get to do those pain-free. That's such a beautiful life. Yeah, that's not that's nothing to be upset about. That's something to be very grateful about. And so, yeah, that is where I sit today with my PBS, my painful bladder syndrome. And like now having like a name for it, I feel like I need to name it.

SPEAKER_01: 15:34

I think I want to name her like Penelope or something like little Penelope, my bladder. Just another PBS, you know. She's just hurting right now. I really like that personification. I really do, I really do. It makes things, you know, a little bit more fun. Worth enjoying.

Lyssa: 15:49

Like I have to romanticize my life, and if I'm gonna be walking around here with PBS, you know, I gotta make it fun. We just talked about that. That's on our vision board, right? Our core values of in our life is to have fun because there's no point in living if you're not enjoying it, if you're not loving every second of it. So even when you get diagnoses that you didn't think you were gonna get that day, you gotta you gotta find the joy, you gotta find the positive, you gotta find the glimmer.

Barb: 16:18

And I I can't with us am blown away by us. Because I shared just last night that life wasn't always like this. No. Life wasn't always enjoyable and fun and full of these beautiful moments that we get to choose. Life used to be very much of, and this was our understanding of it, yeah, that life was happening to us. We had no control. I am just here experiencing whatever life is throwing at me. We're running the rat race. Yeah. And it's not like that anymore. And I can see every looking back at all of the data, looking back at the whole line, yeah, the timeline, where it started, and where we started practicing gratitude, and how we started practicing gratitude, and who was the influencer that helped us start that pillar and then like work up. And I am just grateful that we stick it out. Yeah, we stick it. It's not always fun, it's not always great learning new things and and having to make hard choices and choose to not look at the negative, but choose to look at the positive and say that's not easy. No, that goes against everything like we are coded. Exactly. Yep, and we do it anyways, because on that side of doing it anyways is such beauty and freedom, and we've changed our lives so much so that the ripple is starting to fucking just ripple hard in a way that I've not seen it in the last four and a half years.

Lyssa: 18:09

No, we talked about on the podcast we've talked before about how we fulfilled and continue to fulfill our mission for homemade, right? With the this vision and mission. And we did that. We realized that we did that at the end of this year review, and now I'm seeing that we actually did that for marks, and I didn't even know. Once again, I didn't even know I did that. I didn't even know I did it until this week we had multiple So many times, multiple people say, Oh my god, you are so inspiring. Oh my god, you inspire me. Oh my god, can I have a meeting with you because I want to talk about XYZ because you inspire me and I want to be able to do these things as well.

Barb: 18:52

Job to the floor, please. What?

Lyssa: 18:55

What? Is that not the mission that I created with this podcast? Is that not why I wanted to do this? I wanted to build a community because I I knew that there were like-minded individuals out there that also felt this way, that also didn't have the easy life, that didn't have the answers, that didn't know what to do, but they kept going. And then they got to this point and they're like, I don't know what to do. What do I do next? And they are just looking for that clarity. They're looking for that mentorship, they're looking for someone to say, yeah, no, I like what you're doing. I want to do that. Can you show me how? And yes, the fuck I can. I can tell you X, Y, Z, A, B, C, 1, 2, 3, all the freaking things, because I want everybody to be standing next to me. Because I think that everybody deserves to live out their dream, live out their truth, give their gift in any way that they want to. And if you're telling me that you want help from me to do that, then yes. Always. You get it. It's always a hell yes. I'm never gonna say no to anyone who asked for that. Because if you're willing to be brave enough to put yourself out there and Say, I need help. That is probably the biggest issue that I think we have in the world, right? Is that everybody thinks they have to go it alone. They gotta do it alone. I gotta get this myself. I did everything myself. I've been seeing that a lot on social media. Look what I did myself. I've built it myself. Cool. Go you. And that is something to be proud of. I am not taking that down. But also to say, look at this entire empire that I've built with this group of people behind me. That sounds sexy as fuck. I'd have to do shit myself because I got all these people who believe in me. I have all these people who see the same thing that I see, and together we build it. That to me lights me on fire. And our community is asking for our help to build their dreams. And I just cannot.

Barb: 20:56

And again, you shared, it's been so rapid, right? We've gotten text messages that were not expected. Yeah. People have reached out, old friends saying, hey.

Lyssa: 21:05

Again, unexpected. I didn't think you were watching me. I didn't think, you know, like we haven't talked in a while. I didn't know you were still there, but no, you are. You're following along. You're inspired.

Barb: 21:17

And you're inspired and you're motivated and you want to pick our brains. I love that. We love that. Yeah. Right, Mars and mindset? It's the mind. The mind is so fascinating to us. Yeah. Because it is like the most powerful fucking computer. And you can program it truly any way you want. Yep. And why not pick it? Pick my brain. Pick everything for my mistakes, my successes, my almost, my could have, my should's, my here is every I'm an open book. Yeah. Ask me. Anything. Yeah. Like a living walking diary. Yeah. Please. I'm here to give it because what's the point of just collecting it? Yeah. For me. I have to give. I have to share because other people, I'm we're not unicorns. We have said that from the very beginning. I believe that other people can do what we do. Anyone can do this if you want it bad enough. That part. Asking for help is wanting it bad enough. That part. Knowing that you cannot take the next step on your own and saying, I have someone that I can call and I'm going to have them help me take that next step.

SPEAKER_01: 22:28

That is huge.

Barb: 22:30

And I want that. And we're doing that. And we've had the opportunity to do it three to four times in this one week. And I think we're floating on cloud nine from it. Yeah. I just can't even, because I think back to those girls four and a half years ago. You knew nothing. You know nothing, Jon Snow. And if you know, you know. You know, I didn't know anything. I'm Jon Snow. I knew nothing. And now I have worked and I have sweat and tears and blood because we hurt ourselves on that part.

Lyssa: 23:08

That part that part.

Barb: 23:10

To give. And even though I lived it, I can't believe it.

Lyssa: 23:17

Is that crazy or what? You know what's you know, that's the thing too, right? Because we lived it, it's in there. But we have to move forward. There's things that happen and we keep progressing and all the things, and it just right, everything that we go through just gets further and further away on the timeline. That's just the way that time works. And when we sit on these couches and we have these conversations and we talk about these things, they ask us questions and then it makes us go back. It makes us revisit, it makes us think about the experience that we have. And that's where I feel like a lot of it is like, oh yeah, I did that. Oh yeah, I remember when that happened, and this is how I handled that, you know? It's that memory making, just that that constant and sharing of, like you said, of the experiences. What's the point of living and doing all of these things if I'm not sharing the experience that I had? Then I'm just like hoarding it. Yeah. And that makes me feel like a memory hoarder. Which I don't know. That sounds like so weird and off to me. Like I don't, I don't want to do that.

Barb: 24:25

I I love this tangent. So as we sat on the couch with a a friend, an old friend, he reached out, he wants to start his own thing. We're we're having the conversation, we're doing the thing. And his question to us was, you know, how did you start? And that is by far one of our most favorite stories because it has we have such a peculiar start. Yeah. We actually didn't start this. It wasn't someone who said, You need to do this, and we said it. Ms. Adele Jones, right? So we shared that story on this couch in this room just two days ago. Two days ago. Yep. And he was blown away. He was like, Who is this woman? I know, right? Who is she so that I can speak to her? He like he wanted that connection to her because right, that memory is so ingrained in us. It is such a part of the story that we I'm gonna share that I didn't start this. Someone told me to do this. Someone told me that I had a gift that I didn't know I had. Yeah. And I believed in her, I trusted her. And look at this life. And that one story hit him so deeply. Right. This this deep story that we have is now extended onto him. Yeah. And like, well, if somebody believed in them and look how far they are, and they're here believing in me, then I must that connection be able to do this.

Lyssa: 26:07

There is no better way, I think, to honor her and to honor her in our business that she is responsible for. Then to pass that gift on, right? She gave us the gift of believing in us when we didn't believe in ourselves. And that's what I want to do for our friends in our community. I want to believe in them right now. When they they think they got something, they know it's there, right? We we thought we had something. We knew that we loved events, we knew that we loved curating these moments and these memories. We didn't look at it that way. We didn't believe that we could do this for a living. I remember when she first said it to us that we're like, people would pay us for this.

Barb: 26:50

I was like, no way.

Lyssa: 26:55

No one is paying me for this, you know? Man was shame. And look at how much we got paid. You know, we get paid all the time for doing this. And I just can't think of a better way to honor her in this business than to pass that belief on to our community. And like, no, I'm gonna believe in you. I believe you can do it. You do have a gift. I've seen it myself, and therefore I know you can do it. If you want to be successful, you can do it. And I will be your mama adele if that's what you need.

Barb: 27:25

I am I'm proud of us for embodying that. I think we shared this was a conversation me and you had that we when everyone is telling you no, when your spouse, when your brother, when your mother, your sister, or your aunties are like, no, that's a bad idea. You're never gonna make money. I want to be the one that says yes. Yeah. Because all the no's are coming from a place of lacking and fear and you just scarcity. It's scarce. But you just need one person to say yes. Yes, that's a good idea. Yes, I believe in you. Yes, you can do this, and yes, I'll be here to help you figure it out. Because that's everything that she gave to us. Yes, yes, it is. It is. So we're writing on Cloud Nine. We went to a networking event last night where again we're just we're writing the EAC. If I can give any other like motto, I guess. I really feel like we are surfing this wave of life so beautifully right now. I feel integrated, I feel connected, I feel bliss, I feel aligned, I feel all the other wonderful, beautiful adjectives, yep, then the thesauruses and all the things. That is what I feel. I have never been so laser focused, aligned, not one degree shift out of balance. I am there, I am locked in and no, it's not gonna last forever. And I know that because again, we have many podcast episodes where we're riding high, and then there's others like, yo, what are we doing? What's happening here? Yeah. So I know, and I'm planning for that, but I'm also gonna live the ride. I'm gonna live the roller coaster because it is so amazing. Last night, yesterday, this week, these last two weeks have been amazing. They really have. I, as we start to continue to plan for the year, to plan for the three-year, the five-year, the ten-year, the twenty-year goal, I find myself saying that I have the life I want. This is actually, I wouldn't change, I would just add more abundance. I just want more year as it passes because this is the life I want. There are tweaks, sure. There are things, sure. And we're actually doing that right now. I can see this year, 2026, laying, we're laying the foundation for that three-year goal. Yeah. Or that five-year goal.

Lyssa: 30:14

And I can see it. I can see it all the way to the end. We we wrote on that whiteboard just 20 minutes ago, and we wrote down our core values, and it wasn't a core value for the business. It wasn't a core value for the podcast, it was a core value for our lives. We wrote down what are our core values? What is going to make our rich life? As long as we have this, this, this, and this, I'm good. I'm Gucci, as the kids say. Those kids. You know, those kiddos. Like, this is a this is a great, a great life. And like you said, there's gonna be some wells and they're gonna happen. And I think that's just what life is, but it's all about your mindset. And no matter what comes our way on this path, I know that I have that mindset to get in the car, listen to a song, go through my spectrum of emotions, and come out the other side being like, yeah, no, this is all for the good. This is all a part of the plan. This is all gonna work out, this is all for a reason. It's not happening to you. It's happening for you.

SPEAKER_01: 31:24

Exactly.

Barb: 31:24

The future sexy! It is, it is, and we'll take my tangent. Um it's gonna be Annabelle's birthday. I can't take it. Gonna be turning 14 this weekend. And obviously, right, as we've talked about before, we get in the mama fields. You can't not relive this time period over and over and over again every year. And number one, 14. How? I don't know. Like, what does that even mean? For me, it means that I've had a baby for 14 years. That's correct. That's correct.

Lyssa: 32:02

Responsible for a human for the last 14 years.

Barb: 32:05

And I can see the human who she will become. Oh, yeah. She's growing. And it is a beautiful sight. And I know that the last four and a half years, specifically, right? Many more before that, but for the last four and a half years, I have set an example of what following your dreams looks like so that she can have the confidence to not have to ask for the permission or the help. Maybe it's not even help, right? She's always gonna need the help, but she is going to know that she can do anything. Yeah. Because she's watched us do everything. Everything. And just the conversations that we're having, like she's not a baby anymore. And she's obviously now been a baby for a long time. She's been bigger than me for a long time. But it's changing. 14, that maturity, it's changing, and I see it, and I have to acknowledge it, and I'm welcoming it, even though it kind of hurts. Yeah. And I'm excited. I'm just excited. We joked around. We shared that we're going on like three or four vacations in Q1 slash beginning of Q2, and we're going to Mexico. So we're talking about the Mexico trip, what we might want to do. I want to go see the Mayan temples and things like that. I don't want to just stay in the resort. And we brought up the fact that it's six season, right? It's flu season, COVID's going around, variations, all the things. And Jeff said something, and I was like, just so you know, I put the finger on the side. He said something about not wanting to get the fluja, right? Like, or something about like if I get sick or something. I hope I get sick on vacation. And I looked at him. Like, that could have been the dumbest thing that you have ever said in your life. Why the fuck would you want to get sick in Mexico? That you paid for. What? Well, because then maybe we stay longer. Why would we stay longer if you are sick? Anyways. He said something really silly. No, silly. I love him. I'm so grateful for my husband. Practice gratitude every day. And I looked at him and I put the finger out and I was like, just so you know, if you get sick and you can't go, I'm gonna go. Bye! If I'm not sick and she's not sick, we're leaving. Bye. We're going to Mexico without you. And you must stay in the United States of America because you are sick. And I'm gonna take me and my girl, and we're gonna go to Mexico and we're gonna have like a crazy ass time because no dad. That part. That part. So I got to ruminating on that. And I definitely think that that's gonna be in our future one day. One day, me and this kid are gonna go take a plane ride to a different country and go do some really wild, crazy shit that dad would not approve of.

SPEAKER_01: 35:12

I was just gonna say that he would never do.

Barb: 35:14

He would never do that on vacation. You guys get to just go live your best life. And I'm excited. I'm just I'm excited as a mom to have this next relationship. Yes. More mature, more grown up, more just deeper, maybe.

Lyssa: 35:32

Yeah. I mean, in the beginning, right, they're they're babies and they need us and we have to do all the things. It's a different type of relationship. There's an independence and maturity that that is happening right now. And so, yeah, your relationship is gonna change those those needs and wants, right? As in the beginning, it's nothing but needs, and then all wants, you know? It's all she wants. And then, you know, now there might be a little bit less need, but she still wants all the same, all the same things, and I think that's really cool. It's beautiful to watch the relationship as women who don't have good relationships with their mothers to watch your mother-daughter relationship. It's very beautiful to watch.

Barb: 36:19

I wrote that down. So we attended a networking event yesterday um with the beautiful Rayanne Lacatina. Oh, I love it. And uh, we had to write down our wins for 2026, and she wanted us to write 12 on the paper, but challenged us to write like a hundred at home and like reflect and do all those. Like it was very I'm gonna write five today because that's crazy. Um, but one of them was going to therapy. I I count that as a win because man, did I not want to do it. I'm pretty sure I mean if you go back and listen to that episode, those are some pretty funny episodes, actually. I did not, I wanted nothing to do with it and knew that it needed to happen. Yeah. And I leaned in and I did it, and it worked. Yeah. It it changed. Your communication changed the way that we spoke to each other. It changed the way that we understand each other. We're able to take a breath and like pause before, you know, doing all the unhealthy things that you do when you just react. Yeah. And I'm grateful to me. Yes. And to her and to Jeff. Because he at the end was in the middle of the day. He was there for a couple sessions. At the end, he had to come in because I'm like, no, I am not doing this alone anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 37:50

I am over this. Don't you have a daddy? Why is he not here?

Barb: 37:55

I work really hard for you to have a daddy. That part, quoting our bestie. So I am. I'm proud of me. I'm proud of us. I'm proud of our relationship. I am proud of the relationship that we will have in the future because that's what that's what I'm doing. I'm trying this long game. I am not right here to be your friend right now. Sometimes sure. Is it nice when you cuddle me and hug me and love me? Love it. But like also, I'm your mom. Yeah. And we're not gonna get along all the time today. But I'm always gonna be here for you. And and I need her to know that.

Lyssa: 38:34

I think she's getting that. Yeah. Yeah.

Barb: 38:36

So we need to. I know, right?

Lyssa: 38:38

It's it's one of those ROIs. We gotta check in. We gotta get those ROIs on this parenting thing, you know? Those are important. They are important. So to go back and to be able to reflect that and to be like, okay, no, I'm actually doing this thing pretty well. You know, you're right. Go thank yourself, pat yourself on the back. You deserve it. I say we cheers on that because I'm ready to drink.

Barb: 39:02

Maybe one of my last ones. Salute. Salud. I'm going for everything in moderation. I agree. Because it's just so good.

Lyssa: 39:12

And you're not out here drinking every day. No, part. It's once a week. You know? I can handle it, ladies. I can handle it. But I feel like this is a good place to love and leave our friends. And I want you guys to do all of the things. I'm gonna really need you to like and follow and subscribe. If you want to follow us on Instagram and YouTube at Marks and Mindset Podcast, and if you're local to the ROC and you want to party with us at Home Events ROC. Until next time.

Barb: 39:45

Bye. Thank you. I love doing this.